I love you mom!
A week has passed and I think I am ready to face the fact. My mom passed away last monday. I don’t think I have really realized what an impact this will have on me. She was my rock, my inspiration, and my absolute best friend. She was the most unselfish person in the whole world. I was on 16 playing my practice round for Q-school when I got the news and I completely collapsed by the green. I haven’t cried in 7 years before that moment, but there was no way I could hold the tears in. I just wanted to vanish of this earth. I will never hug my mom again, never tell her I love her, and I will never see her big smile again.
She had been sick for over 2 years. Not ones did she stop fighting and she was so determined she could beat this awful cancer. I asked her several times this fall if she wanted me to come home and not ones did she say “come home”. She was so happy when I made it through first and second stage that she was almost crying on the phone. Ever since I started playing golf she has been my number one supporter. I couldn’t do anything wrong and even if I played like a complete hack she would always say “Im so proud of you, and you will do better next time Linus”
Sunday night the day before she passed away my brother asked her if she wanted me to come home and she said absolutely not. Not ones did she put her own interest in front of ours. She wanted me to play for her and she wanted to be there to witness it, but in the end not even my mom had the strength to fight cancer!
When I teed it up thursday I didn’t know if I could handle six rounds mentally. On the first tee I could almost not hold the tears back but all I was thinking about was that my mom was there with me standing behind me and smiling. Every time I hit a bad shot I could see my mom there saying “GOOD SHOT LINUS.” I finished the event under par with a herniated disk in my back and I think the only reason i was able to finish was because of my mom. Every shot I hit was like a stab in the back but some how I was able to keep playing and I know it was my mom who give me the strength.
Now im sitting her just smiling thinking what my mom would say when I call her to say im done with the tournament. “IM SO PROUD OF YOU LINUS, I CAN’T WAIT TILL YOU COME HOME AND I CAN HUG YOU AND MAKE YOU BREAKFAST.” There will be no more hugs, or breakfast. No more smiles or amazing christmas decoration. No more singing ABBA in the living room. No more advice to what to wear when I go out. All those things I took for granted are gone.
I know it will be so hard to get back to normal life, but I also know what my mom would have wanted me to do. She would have wanted me to be happy and live life and that’s what I will do. I will smile for her, live life for her, and make people feel great just like she did.
Barbro Gillgren was the best person in the world and I know I will never stop missing her. Someday I will join her in heaven and then I can finally give her that last hug I never got to give her. Till then I will do everything in my power to make my mom proud.
I Love you so much Mom!